your relationship

Let’s face it; success is not an overnight occurrence.

You don’t go to bed hoping you’ll succeed and wake up the next day having achieved it. Certain factors are required to work together over a period of time to achieve success.

Factors required include having the right mindset, goal setting capabilities, hard work, resilience, and dedication, among others.

Additionally, you have to surround yourself with the right people. These are people who are quick to offer support, motivation and push you to do better.

This is where your relationship comes in. Your husband, boyfriend or that friend you’ve been spending most of your time with plays a big role in your success journey.

In fact, research has shown that your spouse’s personality influences your daily motivation, output, decisions and the extent to which you can dream.

Today, let’s take a deeper look at your relationship. Using fresh eyes, evaluate whether your relationship is holding you back from success. And then plan to take action.

Here are 4 signs to look out for during the self-evaluation.

Signs that Your Relationship is Holding You Back from Success

1. You don’t get congratulated as often as you should

You know that wonderful feeling when someone you love congratulates you for good work done? Or when you overcome a barrier that could have cost you your new business? Or that feeling when you get home, share the news about your promotion and your husband says, “Congratulations! Let’s go out and celebrate”?

Being congratulated is a powerful feeling. It means much more to you when your spouse or romantic partner congratulates you than when your boss, business partner or clients do it.

You feel appreciated, loved and empowered to keep going until you reach your dreams. Nothing can stop you when your relationship offers you this kind of support.

The opposite is true when your partner does not appreciate your efforts, celebrate your wins or encourage you to become the best version of yourself.

You tend to feel lost, drained and constantly frustrated. Your mind is filled with thoughts of why they don’t appreciate you. This has the potential to bring down your motivation and hold you back from succeeding.

Related Article: 10 Nasty Habits that Keep You Frustrated, Overwhelmed and Unfulfilled

2. You hardly ever discuss your goals

When was the last time you shared your business goals, work goals or life goals with your spouse or partner? When was a time you sat down and discussed your career or business goals in depth? And when you did, what reception did you get?

For many of you, I believe your answers lead towards “I can’t remember the last time”, or “Almost never”.

Many women around the world, and especially in Africa, are afraid to discuss their goals with their husbands and boyfriends because they are afraid of how it will be received. You do this, not because you do not know your spouse, but because you already expect a negative outcome.

This is not entirely your fault. From birth, women are generally conditioned to believe that a man’s career is more important than the woman’s. The kitchen and taking care of kids is a woman’s job and men are supposed to work and provide.

Not many people talk to you about being a career woman or successful business woman. These are things you discover for yourself as you acquire knowledge and meet like-minded people.

It is for this reason that, as a woman, you find it hard to discuss goals in your relationship. You worry that your husband might ask questions like:

  • “Who will take care of the children when you take on more responsibilities at work?”
  • “Who will make dinner when you are out late for a business or work meeting?”
  • Or the classic, “Why do you need to earn more money when I provide enough for you and the kids?”

And yet, you are capable of succeeding to greater heights when your partner is supportive of your goals.

If you’re afraid of sharing your goals, start today and see how it all pans out. If you have discussed your goals with your partner and he did not support your vision, know you are a victim of your relationship holding you back and learn how to break free and succeed anyway.

3. Your ideas and suggestions are constantly met by negativity

Similar to discussing goals with your partner, negative reception to your ideas can be a great barrier for your success at work, in business or even as a partner. It’s hard to reach your maximum potential when your relationship is a ball of negativity.

This is because, whether you realize it or not, constant rejection of your ideas and suggestions affects your confidence, mental well-being, self-esteem and general outlook on life.

You might not notice it at first. However, if you look closely, you’ll find that you tend to lack confidence in your ideas and make a lot of decisions based on what other people say. These two habits directly affect your chances of success.

For instance, let’s say you work as a Key Accounts Manager and had an idea on how to close your next big client. Because you know this would be a big milestone for you (probably meaning more commissions or a promotion), the first thing you do is talk about it with your partner.

Unfortunately, your partner is not as enthusiastic of your idea as you are. He smirks at your idea and outlines all the possible ways the idea could go wrong. You don’t get a single positive thought.

Nor does he encourage you to mention it to your boss, or propose a different angle. He just hates it or thinks it’s stupid and doesn’t shy away from telling you exactly that.

The result is that you probably also end up hating your idea and don’t mention it at your next meeting. You also slowly start losing trust in your future suggestions, and never going after your BIG goals and dreams.

And just like that, success becomes something you see in other people and constantly dream about.

Related Article: How to Get What You Want in Your Relationship

4. You find it more peaceful to keep your achievements a secret

Achieving optimal success is difficult if you are that woman who keeps her achievements a secret from your partner. The secret could be a land you purchased, an investment you made, a business idea you’re working on, or a recent promotion.

Some women do this as a way of life. But there’s a large number who do it because life is better (and more peaceful) that way. If this is you, there will always be something holding you back.

Think about it…for how long can you keep your achievements or investments a secret from your partner?

You’ll probably attend a friend’s birthday party with your partner and someone will congratulate you on that promotion at work.

Or…imagine running into the property lawyer you worked with when purchasing land and she or he asks, “How is that land taking you? Did you already start building on it?” In that moment, nothing will save you from having to explain to your partner what’s going on.

This leads to a more strained relationship. More achievements kept a secret. This adds more barriers in your journey towards success because you cannot freely follow your dreams.

Achievements are meant to be celebrated, not kept a secret. If your relationship makes you want to keep them a secret, that’s a sign that it’s holding you back from achieving true success.

Achievements are meant to be celebrated, not kept a secret. Click To Tweet

Conclusion

I’m sure these signs are not new to you. You’ve probably lived through one or all of them at one time in your life. Or maybe you’re currently living them and have accepted this as a normal way of living.

According to you, “Ni kawaida” and “There is nothing I can do”. Well, you are wrong about these two things.

First, you can be in a relationship where your partner shares in your goals, supports what you do and is your number one motivator. So no, it is not “kawaida”. Your relationship should push you towards success, not hold you back from it.

Second, it is not true that there is nothing you can do about your relationship holding you back from success. In today’s world, there is always something that can be done to achieve fulfillment. You only need to want it and go for it.

For instance, you and your partner can participate in programs that can help your spouse become more supportive. As an individual, you can gain confidence by enrolling in a personal development program.

It all begins with a decision to try to use tactics that have been proven to work.

Are you tired of living your life on other people’s terms?

Turning your life around is possible using the information in this article. But did you know that you can make it easier with our personal development programs? Attending a professional program will not only help you change your current life, it will also make you execute decisions that you’ve avoided and act on your BIG goals.

Sign up for the next Live Your Life coaching program.

Selipha Kihagi is a content writer, freelance writer and digital marketer living in Nairobi, Kenya. She spends her days creating blog posts and articles for the purpose of informing, entertaining, educating and inspiring action. She believes that the written word is an important tool towards effecting change in the world. If you share this belief, find her on LinkedIn for a personal interaction.

 

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