This year, I’ve made a concerted effort to reconnect with women I’ve coached over the years. My goal is to have a catch up call with at least 3 former clients each week. The results of these calls plus what I’m doing with current clients are a reminder of why coaching is not just a job for me.
This week, one of my current clients who is someone I’ve coached 3x since 2011, gave me an AHA moment about just how much I to grown within that time. I took time after the session to reflect about the calls I’ve been having with past clients and my own personal, professional, and business growth over the last 10 years.
10 years ago, in 2014, I was at one of the lowest points in my life. At that time, I sometimes wondered whether life was worth living.
Let me give a little back-story
In May 2014, I signed up for my third coaching experience with me as the client. I wanted to boost my business so that I could make money and have the financial freedom to leave my husband.
That coaching changed my life in ways I didn’t expect. For one, my coach didn’t accept the theory behind my goals. She also didn’t let me wiggle out of things I needed to face in my life…and things I was trying to avoid working on.
It was a painful process, but one that I needed without knowing that I needed it!
In one of the sessions, my coach helped me visualize what freedom meant for me. A movie popped up in my mind of me driving alone from Nairobi to Mombasa. When I opened my eyes, I told that that this was not possible because:
- I could not take such a long trip without my husband and children.
- I was terribly afraid of long-distance driving and I made a better co-driver than driver.
- It was just not possible in my mind!
My coach’s response…she just smiled. Now I know why and I’ll share that in a bit.
On 1st of July 2014, I walked out of my home and never went back. I didn’t mean to leave because I didn’t have enough financial resources to do so.
But after a night of psychological turmoil and fear of physical abuse from my then hubby, I couldn’t stay in the house the next morning. So I took a drive to relax and pray…and the drive ended up with picking my children from school, going to my parents home, and then starting life afresh as a single mum.
I moved to my own place in August 2014, smaller than the previous home and with just the bare necessities. But there was peace and calm. And I had my children with me.
But things changed in September 2014 when my children chose to go back and live with their dad. After deliberations and prayer, I let them go back. That is one of the hardest and most painful decisions I’ve ever made in my life. But it felt like the best choice then.
So now I was all alone, and that is when life felt like it had no meaning.
I didn’t have my children.
Finances were very tight as I had lost most of my clients.
I had no idea where to start and what to do to get my life back on track.
I was sad, in despair, and used to ask God what my life was about if I had to be alone.
Out of this despair came a shocking solution!
One day as I was praying and complaining to God, I got an idea to move back to Mombasa. I used to live in Mombasa and had moved to Nairobi when my business went under. So it didn’t make sense to have 2 homes in 2 different towns when we only had one income.
I resisted this idea because of my fear of long-distance driving. So it didn’t seem possible.
Then, a few weeks later, my friend called from Mombasa. She had some women who needed my business startup program, and she could do it with them if we agreed on a profit share.
I sent her the document, she edited and printed it out into book, coached the women, and told me that I needed to come meet the women. They were ready for me.
She also knew my situation and recommended that I move back to Mombasa permanently now that I had the opportunity to do so.
Long story short, after a few more twists of fate, I found myself driving down to Mombasa on the 1st of December 2014. I only carried personal items and household stuff that could fit in my car.
One more twist of fate waited on this journey that I once feared
All this time, I had not thought about the visualization I did with my coach earlier that year in May.
It wasn’t until I was more than halfway through the almost 500km journey that I had a déjà vu moment and thought that I had already done this journey alone before.
I got so freaked out when it hit me that I had visualized this back in May that I started shaking and had to get off the road to calm down. It was so surreal that I remember that feeling to this day.
That was also the moment when I knew that this journey was meant to be and that I would be OK eventually.
It was a lovely journey. The road I feared turned into one of the best road trips I’ve ever had. I have not done the road trip alone again, and maybe I may never do it alone again. I do love being a passenger, but it’s no longer out of fear.
What that trip did was boost my confidence and add onto the touchstones I have when I need a quick pick-me-up. It also renewed my trust in God because He did reveal this to me in May. I just took longer to catch up and connect the dots.
10 years ago, I also had dreams that felt impossible
I dreamed of having my children with me and working from home so that I could be fully present for them. This felt like a tall order because I had very little income, was being hosted by my friend, and I didn’t see how my ex would let the children go.
I also dreamed of working with high-achieving women in top management and the C-Suite. I dreamed, but didn’t think it was possible to get such women as clients because I had never reached that level in my own career.
My coaching fees were very low and I wanted to scale up. I also wanted to work with international clients and charge in $$$. But where to start?
Beyond these and other fears, I was deeply afraid that one day my ex would go ahead with his threats of harming me, the children, and himself if I ever left. This was the first fear I had to make peace with because I had no control over his actions or fate.
My confidence was very low and once the euphoria of moving back to Mombasa faded, it felt as if I had a long climb ahead.
But I never stopped dreaming and wishing for better.
10 years later…
I write a lot and have paper and notebook clutter which I’ve been clearing this month. It’s a laborious job because I’m stopping to read some of my old journals, and also transfer some of the handwritten content of papers to digital storage.
These readings combined with conversations with past and present clients, some of whom have walked the 10 year journey with me, have been quite revealing.
Looking through the things I once thought were impossible dreams:
- My children live with me since January 2015 – a month after I moved to Mombasa.
- Their dad has supported us financially here and there. It’s not been consistent, but I do thank God when he does. He’s also come to terms with the events that led to my leaving him.
- Where I once dreamed of working with high-achieving in top management and the C-Suite, that is now a reality.
- My business has grown (they’re 2 businesses now), my fees are at a point I never expected to reach, and I have international clients who pay in $$$.
- I stopped fearing potential harm from my ex and accepted that I have no control over life and death.
I have weathered personal, business, financial, health, parenting, and relationship storms. Other people in my life have had their good and bad times. I have been a part of their ups and downs just as they have been a part of mine.
The sad bits are the people we’ve lost within that time. 10 years ago, my niece and brother were here with us. Today, we think of them in terms of past memories. We now celebrate not their birthdays, but anniversaries (2½ years for my niece and 8 months for my brother).
These experiences have shaped who I am today and made me more confident and resilient. They have also given me the ability to appreciate life even during the tough or stormy times.
Additionally, I now have unshakeable belief and trust in God. He has my back and I know that God and I make an awesome team!
What about you?
It’s your turn now and let’s start with a reflection before going forward into the future.
Looking back 10 years ago
- What are the things you dreamt of being, doing, or having?
- Which ones are goals that you’ve worked on actively and which ones were dreams that you thought were unachievable?
- What has happened in between that you never expected – both positive and negative?
- What have you achieved within that time?
- How have you grown?
- What can you say about all areas of your life when you look back 10 years ago?
These reflections give amazing insights that can sometimes be painful. So please seek help from a licensed therapist or counsellor if your past has trauma that you need to heal from. It’s hard to move confidently into the future when you’re carrying emotional, mental, or psychological baggage.
If, however, you are able to reflect back, you will get gemstones that will help you live a richer life today, and plan better for the next 10 years.
Looking forward to the next 10 years
Sometimes we focus so much on goals that we forget to just dream. It’s also not easy to dream if you’re in fear or if you don’t want to make mistakes or rock any boats.
However, life will pass by anyway. We don’t have control over that or over fate. But we do have control over what we choose to dream about and work on.
When you think about the next 10 years, what do you want to be, do, or have?
What would make the biggest difference in your life if you were to achieve it or do it within the next 10 years?
What are your non-negotiables, the things that you are willing to fight for?
Let’s come back to the present
Now that you have insights from your past, and the dreams of the future, what can you say about your life today?
Are you using the lessons and growth from your past to improve your life?
What are you doing today that is working towards your dreams?
Beyond all that, what can you say about being fully present today so that you don’t miss out on the gems that the present has for you?
And are you also ensuring that you have prioritized yourself and your loved ones as you work on your goals and dreams?
Life is lived a day at a time
One of the mindset shifts I’ve had that has really helped me is learning to live a day at a time. Yes, I reflect back on the past to learn from it. I also have dreams and goals for the future. But, the experiences I make are on a day to day basis.
That’s the message I want to wrap up this post with. That as much as you want to rush forward, there’s also need to make the moments of your life meaningful. Don’t just live a life where you wake up, work, and rush through the day to crash and start it all over again the next day.
Experience each day fully. Create memories for yourself and your loved ones. Make every day, even the tough ones count.
Do you need help evaluating your life and making the next 10 years powerful and meaningful?
I didn’t know how powerful coaching was until I experienced it. That is why I get coached to help improve my life, and I’d love to give you the same experience. Click here to book a complimentary Discovery Call to find out how I can help you make it happen through a Strategy Session, 1-1 coaching or in my group coaching program Break Free, Live Your Life.
(Image credit: Pexels)
