Focus Demands Sacrifice: Is It Time to Redefine Success?

Have you ever found yourself with so many good ideas, goals, and opportunities that you struggle to decide where to direct your attention?

You have a list of things you want to accomplish, but every time you make progress on one, something else demands your attention. You keep adding to your list, hoping that somehow you will find the time and energy to do it all.

I learned a different way years ago, while I was building a career as a social science researcher.

I was part of a team working on a communication strategy for a biomedical research centre. We were deep into a five-day planning workshop, brainstorming endlessly, and generating ideas one after another. But instead of narrowing them down, we just kept adding more.

The facilitator, an experienced communication expert, watched us with growing frustration. Eventually, he stepped back, let us carry on for a few more minutes, then walked to the whiteboard and wrote in capital letters:

FOCUS DEMANDS SACRIFICE!

Then he turned to us and said (I’ve paraphrased):

“We must choose the ideas to sacrifice so we can be highly focused on a few things that we do very well.”

There was silence. And then, a shift.

We stopped adding ideas and started cutting them down. We eliminated what wasn’t essential and focused only on what truly mattered.

The result was a clear, streamlined five-year communication strategy. That strategy contributed to achievements in the years that followed, including work that led to recommendations being adopted in research ethics and practice in Kenya and beyond. Some of the outcomes became gold-standard practices in resource-poor global health research settings.

Although I had left the organisation before the strategy was fully implemented, I continued to hear from peers about its lasting impact. Some of the papers I co-authored during that period continue to be cited in peer-reviewed journals to this day.

I have never forgotten that workshop or the ripple effects of the decisions we made. It taught me that the power is not in having more ideas. It is in choosing which ones deserve our attention and resources, and then directing our efforts towards them.

Why Focus Requires Sacrifice

The hardest part of staying focused is often saying no to good ideas, good intentions, and great opportunities that are not right at a particular time.

Many of us stay busy juggling multiple goals, projects, and commitments. We take on new responsibilities while holding on to old ones. We pursue opportunities because they look promising, it’s what’s expected of us, or due to FOMO (fear of missing out).

But every yes comes at a cost.

When you say yes to everything, you aren’t just stretching your schedule. You are accelerating toward a wall. And one day, you will hit that wall!

A 2022 global study on working women by Deloitte revealed that nearly half of all professional women are running on empty, with 40% ready to walk away from their employers because of it. That exhaustion isn’t a lack of resilience; it is the mathematical result of refusing to sacrifice the secondary things.

Additionally, research by Dr. Gloria Mark shows that our brains pay a heavy price for this lack of focus. Every time your attention is interrupted or pulled toward an unaligned, minor task, it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds to fully get back into the zone of our deep, important work. Refusing to cut down your list means that you can lose time during the day just trying to refocus.

You cannot give everything your full attention at the same time. When you commit your time and energy to a few things, you have less of those resources available for something else.

Review your current goals and commitments and ask yourself:

• What am I trying to accomplish?
• Which responsibilities, activities or ideas are taking up my time and energy right now?
• Which of these commitments supports my priorities?
• What am I doing out of habit, obligation, or fear of missing out?
• What am I saying yes to that is making it harder to say yes to something more important?

You can dig deeper with questions such as:

• Are you holding on to a project because you have already invested so much in it?
• Are you pursuing an opportunity because it looks impressive, even though it takes you away from what matters most?
• Or are you saying yes out of obligation, rather than because it’s something you want?

Be honest with yourself. Some tasks, projects, commitments, and goals may be essential. Others may have been important at one time but no longer serve you. And some may be good ideas that do not deserve your attention right now.

Decide What Stays and What Gets Deferred or Delegated

Once you have identified what is competing for your attention, decide what needs to happen next to each of the remaining items on your list.

1. Eliminate it

Some things need to go. They may no longer be relevant, are not contribute to your priorities, or might be costing you more than they give you in return. Give yourself permission to let go if something no longer deserves your time and energy.

2. Defer it

Not every task or good idea needs to be acted on immediately. Some are worth keeping for another time, when you have the capacity or when they are more relevant to your priorities. Write them down if you need to, but stop treating every idea as something you must pursue now.

3. Delegate it

Some responsibilities or tasks need to be handled, but that does not necessarily mean you have to handle them yourself. Identify what someone else could do, the support you could ask for, or what responsibility you could share.

Delegating creates room for you to focus on the work that genuinely requires your attention.

However, you need to remember that delegating does not mean abdicating. You can delegate tasks, but you cannot delegate responsibility.

Ensure that whoever you delegate to has the training, resources and capacity to complete their tasks. Also create a timeline with them that includes milestones and check on them periodically to ensure they are on track.

Prioritise Your Focus

Think of a magnifying glass. Regular sunlight warms or heats up the surface. But focusing it through a lens can generate enough heat to create a fire.

Your attention works in a similar way. When you spread yourself across too many things, you stay busy without much forward movement. When you concentrate your efforts, you create the opportunity to make progress faster.

This may mean putting one project on hold to complete another, declining an invitation so you can protect time for your family or your own wellbeing, or stopping pursuit of an opportunity that looks good on paper but does not fit the life you want to create.

You also do not need a perfect plan before you begin. Choose one thing to eliminate, defer or delegate rather than leaving it as another item on your to-do list. Then look at what remains and identify the priorities that deserve your attention.

Being focused does not mean sacrificing what’s important

The sacrifice I’m describing is about your secondary commitments, not your core ones. You do not have to sacrifice your wellbeing, important relationships, peace of mind or the things that make life meaningful, to achieve success.

In fact, if the pursuit of success continually requires you to give up what’s important, it’s time to redefine success and what success means for you.

This pressure is especially intense for women navigating mid-career transitions. Research on mid-career shifts published in the Harvard Business Review highlights that professionals in their 40s face a unique structural collision: peak professional responsibilities hit at the exact same time as mounting personal and family demands. 

In my experience with clients at this stage, that collision leaves very little space to pause, breathe, or intentionally choose what to let go of.

Also, there are times when deciding what to let go of is harder than deciding what to pursue. You may have invested years in a role, project or dream, making it difficult to acknowledge when it is time to move on.

Many successful women have learned to keep going, take on more, and focus on what is expected of them.

But sometimes, the brave face you present to the world hides what success is actually costing you. The price you pay is much higher than you realise. That is why putting down the brave face isn’t just an emotional relief; it is a necessity to prevent your life from running on a default script.

I wrote about this dynamic in my contribution to the anthology, When to Walk Away: The Power in Knowing When to Let Go.

The book brings together the experiences of women who had to let go of what they once valued, including relationships, good jobs, and impressive opportunities. We also explore the courage and wisdom it takes to recognise when holding on is no longer serving us.

It’s easy to try to work harder or do more, thinking that this will help you achieve more. The opposite is true in a lot of cases when you evaluate whether the way you are pursuing success allows space for the life you want to live.

You can honour what you have built without doing things the same way as before. Additionally, you can acknowledge the value of an opportunity without deciding that you must pursue it. And you can choose a different direction without treating your previous choices as mistakes.

What Will You Sacrifice to Gain Focus?

Your power doesn’t come from the volume of things you are handling. It comes from having the courage to protect your space for the things that deserve your attention, time, and energy.

Deciding what to let go of is rarely easy, especially when you have built a life on being the one who can handle it all. But remember that whiteboard with the words FOCUS DEMANDS SACRIFICE!

Decide what you are willing to eliminate, defer or delegate, and take the first step.

Your priorities may change as your circumstances change. That is fine. You can change your mind, or adjust and recalibrate as you move along. Being focused should not force you to stick rigidly to a plan regardless of what happens. It helps you be more deliberate about your choices and willing to pivot when necessary.

Need Support in Deciding What Comes Next?

I help women over 40 create success that is meaningful and doesn’t require them to give up what matters most to them.

If you’re ready to gain clarity about your next steps and explore what it looks like to put down the brave face, I invite you to work with me through a Clarity Coaching Session.

You can also sign up for my email newsletter for weekly insights and practical guidance to help you navigate your next chapter with greater clarity and intention.

(Photo by Ashwini Chaudhary(Monty) on Unsplash)

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A note about your health

This article is not intended to diagnose, treat or replace professional medical or mental health advice. Persistent, severe, unexplained, or worsening fatigue can have many causes. Consult a healthcare or mental health professional if you’re concerned about your mental, emotional, or physical health.