The ability to increase your confidence is the foundation of your personal development journey. As noted in the first article in this series, you need to have confidence in yourself and your abilities.

This is the 2nd article in a 4-part series on Personal Development Skills for women. Here are the other articles in the series:

Lack of confidence is one of the main causes of low self-esteem. Also, you may be confident in one area of your life and not confident at all in another.

For example, someone can be extremely confident in their career or business but have to fake confidence when it comes to social relations or taking charge of their life.

My definition of a confident person is someone who has decided to live the best life they can live. They take actions that are in line with what they want out of life and create the life they want.

Read on for tips on how to increase your confidence.

5 ways to increase your confidence

#1. Take 100% responsibility for your life

You’ll hear this from me many times because it is a critical step to any lasting change.

When you take responsibility, you accept your good and bad experiences. You don’t blame anyone else or complain about them. You accept that at some level, you were responsible for the results you’ve gotten.

A responsible person also accepts that it’s their duty to create new life experiences. Therefore, you don’t wait for magic, God, or the Universe to create a better life for you. You find out what it takes to achieve your goals and go for it.

#2. Ignore other people’s opinions

We are all born confident. Babies and small children take charge of life and get very busy exploring their surroundings. They enjoy life without caring about what other people think about them.

When they feel challenged about something, they work on it while also exploring the world around them with curiosity. Sadly, we lose this confidence as we grow up and have to fit into what’s expected of us.

Girls grow up knowing that they will go to school, excel, get good jobs, get married, become mothers and take care of their families and homes. Boys learn that they will go to school, get good jobs, take risks and explore their world as he-men, become financially successful, marry, become fathers and life goes on as they wish.

Unless you have a grip on your life, you’ll find yourself trying to fit into other people’s expectations of you. Unfortunately, you cannot satisfy everyone. There will always be someone (or a number of people) who don’t like you or the way you live your life.

The solution: Stop listening to what other people have to say about you and your life. In other words, become “independent of the good opinion of others’ to quote Dr. Wayne W. Dyer.

The more leeway you give to other people when it comes to your life, the more likely it is that you’ll lose your confidence and self-esteem

[Tweet “We’re born confident, but lose this confidence as we grow up and fit into what’s expected of us.”]

#3. Turn your life into an experiment

Make a conscious effort to try new things. You will increase your confidence with each new success. Test yourself daily or weekly and do something that you fear.

Here are some things you can try out:

  • Say hi to 3 strangers each day
  • If you normally hang out in a group, test yourself and go out alone for coffee or a meal.
  • Try replacing a light bulb if you’ve never done it
  • Go for an event where you know no one

Of course, you’ll feel like a fraud the first time you do it. However, the more you keep at it, the easier it becomes. With time, you’ll find that activities that used to scare you are now habits.

“Low self-confidence isn’t a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practised, and mastered…just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.” ~ Barrie Davenport

#4. Accept yourself as you are

At any point in life, there will be people who are better than you and others who are not. There will also be things that you cannot do and things that you do outstandingly.

High achievers tend to be perfectionists and this makes them prone to comparing themselves to other people. The more you compare yourself with others, the harder it will be to increase your confidence.

  • Do an analysis of your strengths and weaknesses.
  • Identify the weaknesses that you know you can change and create a plan for that.
  • You can work through a book on confidence, enrol in a personal development class, sign up for a coaching program, or work with a life coach.

Additionally, seek the help of a therapist or counsellor if you have very low self-esteem as this may require healing from emotional wounds or negative experiences in your past.

Also, stop downplaying your strengths. When someone gives you a compliment, accept it. Be proud of and appreciate your achievements and recognitions.

#5. Fake it some more…

Adopt the attitude of a confident person in all areas of your life. Here are some tips:

  • Sit up and walk straight with shoulders back and chest slightly forward
  • Ask for what you want, especially in your personal and social relationships
  • Wear a light perfume that suits your mood, personality and time of day
  • Smile, even when you don’t feel like it
  • Pump yourself up 3x a day by shaking your body, saying “Yes!”, and then going out to the world with a huge smile on your face
  • Take deep slow breaths when you need a confidence boost
  • Dress for success
  • Prepare for your meetings in advance, including personal meetings

In addition, take time each day to visualize the successful achievement of your goals and milestones.

[Tweet “There’ll always be people who don’t like you or the way you live your life. That’s their problem, not yours!”]

An affirmation that will boost your confidence in 30 days

Use the following affirmation, which is borrowed from Charles Haanel’s book The Master Key System, if your self-confidence is low:

I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy.

Repeat this to yourself 10 times daily as you look into a mirror. You can also write it out 21 times daily. Do this exercise for 30 consecutive days to solidify the affirmation in your mind.

As you use the affirmation consistently, you’ll start feeling great from the inside out. People will also start reacting to you more positively or telling you that you’ve changed. That is be sufficient proof that your inner confidence has grown.

This is one of the most powerful affirmations you will ever use so take note of it and use it to boost your confidence starting today.


A confident person makes decisions that fit in with their life instead of turning their life around to please other people.

Confidence, however, can be eroded over time. Getting it back requires a mental shift that’s accompanied by physical actions. This can be achieved as a result of implementing the tips in this article.

Increased confidence will in turn boost your personal development, and that is a goal worth working towards.

Your turn…

Do you have other confidence-building tips that have worked for you? Please share them in the Comments.

(Image credit: Unsplash)

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