We talk about the peace that comes with decluttering. But nobody mentions the void that comes after you’ve decluttered.
In Week 1 of the 28 Days of Loving Yourself Challenge, we focus on decluttering (physical, emotional, mental, and digital). Something unexpected happened in the current cohort’s Q&A call last week.
As participants shared their experiences, it became clear that the empty space they’d created felt both liberating and deeply unsettling.
We often don’t consider that once you create space, you have to decide what to do with it. This is especially true for mental and emotional decluttering. And it’s easy to panic and fill that space right back up.
The Decluttering Problem We Rarely Think About
The often quoted nature abhors a vacuum comes to play here because spaces never stay empty for long.
If you don’t intentionally decide what goes into that newly cleared space, life fills it for you. And while what shows up might not look like the old clutter, it’s often the same noise, busyness, and drama wearing a different face.
- You clear your calendar, then someone asks you to join a committee. Before you know it, you’re just as busy, if not busier, than before.
- You resolve an old conflict and create mental space, then immediately find something new to worry about.
- You create breathing room, then fill it with scrolling social media or answering emails that could wait.
Why?
Because sitting with emptiness forces us to face uncomfortable questions, such as:
- If I’m not busy, am I still valuable?
- If I’m not needed, who am I?
- If I stop running, what will I have to face?
- What do I truly want, beyond what everyone expects of me?
These questions can be terrifying if you’re not used to deep introspection. So you fill the space before you have to answer them.
The Question That Changed Our Conversation
In our call last week, the conversation shifted from “What do I get rid of?” to “What do I fill this space with?”
And more importantly: Do we have the courage to keep it empty and embrace the stillness?
That last question led us to something I share with my coaching clients: The Default Future.
The reality is that all things remaining constant, we each have a default trajectory that leads to a default future.
Where you are today is the result of thousands of small decisions (and non-decisions) you made 5–10 years ago. This includes your job or business, relationships, and the habits you’ve formed, among other things.
Similarly, where you’ll be 5–10 years from now is being decided by the choices you’re making (or avoiding) and the actions you’re taking (or not taking) today.
However, the Default Future isn’t a life sentence because you have the power to change course and make different decisions or take different actions. But it is where you’ll end up if you stay on autopilot.
Why Successful Women Stay Stuck
One pattern I’ve seen consistently in women I’ve coached across multiple industries isn’t a lack of capability, ambition, or planning.
It’s the fact that many get so focused on climbing the success ladder that they don’t stop to ask, “Am I even climbing the right ladder?”
They’ve achieved everything they set out to do, checked all the boxes, and proven themselves. But the end result is massive success and high levels of unfulfillment.
And now they’re asking: “Is this all there is?”
They want to change course but are afraid of losing the ground they have already gained.
Getting unstuck requires sitting in the uncomfortable space between who you are and who you want to be.
It requires facing your Default Future and deciding if that’s actually where you want to go. If it is, then keep moving. If it’snot, it’s time to make different decisions.
Are You Willing to Pay the Price?
In our discussion, we concluded that to change your trajectory, you need to answer a few questions:
- Who am I today, and who do I want to be?
- Where am I today, and where do I want to be 5-10 years from now?
- Do I know the price I need to pay to get there?
- And am I willing to pay the price?
These are simple questions. But they are not easy ones because answering honestly means confronting the gap between your current reality and your desired future.
And this is where many get stuck when it comes to deciding what price you’re willing to pay to close the gap.
That price includes time, growth, resources, consistency, and discomfort.
The courage required isn’t to dream big. That’s the easy part.
It’s the courage to sit with the empty space long enough to figure out what you truly want. Not what you think you should want, or what everyone expects, but what actually calls to you.
And then the second level of courage required to pay the price to get there.
You’re Writing Your Future Right Now
You are largely responsible for your future. Not your boss, the economy, your family’s expectations, or whatever other excuses are available to you.
You.
That might feel like a burden, but it’s actually freeing because you can choose.
Your future is being written right now by:
- The decisions you’re making (or avoiding)
- The actions you’re taking (or postponing)
- Boundaries you’re setting (or not setting)
- The dreams you’re pursuing (or quietly abandoning)
- The opportunities you’re taking up (or ignoring due to fear or imposter syndrome)
If nothing changes, where will you be in 5 years? What is your default future?
What To Do With Your Empty Space
That empty space in your calendar and mind is where transformation begins. It’s where clarity emerges and where you hear what you actually want, beneath all the noise.
But you have to protect it. Because if you don’t, life will try to fill it for you with obligations, other people’s priorities, and busyness that looks productive but leads nowhere you want to go.
Protecting your empty space is an act of courage. And filling it intentionally with what matters to you is how you write a different future.
Over to You
Here’s a simple 15-minute exercise to get you started on a different path if the concept of a default future has resonated with you.
Sit in a quiet place with minimal distractions and set a timer for 15 minutes.
Then write down your answers to these questions:
- If nothing changes, where will I be in 5 years? (Be brutally honest)
- Is that where I actually want to be?
- If there’s a gap, what’s one decision I’ve been avoiding that could change my direction?
Don’t overthink it. Just write.
Then ask yourself the hardest question: What is the price I’ll be required to pay, and am I willing to pay that price to close that gap?
If Yes, you have work to do.
If No, that’s okay. At least you’re honest about it and now have clarity.
The worst thing you can do is pretend you’re choosing a different future while still living your default.
Your default future is already being written.
The question is: Are you holding the pen, or are you just letting it happen to you?
Don’t wait for a crisis. Sit with the empty space. Face the uncomfortable questions. Choose your direction and start moving.
Your future self will thank you.
(Photo by Mizanur Rahman on Unsplash)
Need Help Creating Space in Your Life for a Better Future?
The 28 Days of Loving Yourself Challenge is a great starting point for you to declutter your life, set up a self-care regimen that works for you, rekindle hobbies and interests you had abandoned, and get focused about your future.
I host 4 cohorts each year in February, May, August and November.
Over 28 days, we work through the foundational practices that help you create space, protect it, and intentionally design the life you actually want.
It’s supportive, practical, and easy to implement.
