In the previous article, I talked about why setting boundaries enhances your self-care and focus over time. I also talked about why it’s important to enforce your boundaries as you wrap up Q1 so that you’re not exhausted as you move deeper into the first half of the year.
A number of my email subscribers responded when I shared the blog post with them, and one person said:
“I’ve set the boundaries and protected my schedule. But I’m still overwhelmed. What am I doing wrong?”
She’s not doing anything wrong, but she could have missed a core aspect of the work.
You see, boundaries protect you by stopping what is beyond the boundary from coming in. They don’t clear what is already on the inside.
When you set or reinforce a boundary, you protect your current and future capacity. Unfortunately, many people, especially high achievers, have been overextended for months, if not years.
There is a queue of unfinished decisions and actions, unresolved conversations, and unprocessed thoughts that was already full before the boundary was set.
Clearing that queue is different work. And without this clearance, the boundary holds the door while the house is still full.
When a Lean Calendar is not Enough
I had a client who had what looked like a model system. She kept a lean, carefully managed calendar. Her team knew to check it before scheduling anything on her behalf. It had worked well for years, and she was proud of it.
And yet she complained about being consistently overwhelmed. It just didn’t add up.
One day, I asked her a simple question: What do you need to do that isn’t on your calendar?
She paused, thought for a bit, and said she couldn’t think of anything.
I asked her to think deeper and kept silent as she processed.
Then she started talking.
What came out was a long list of tasks she was tracking in her head, things she had been meaning to get to, decisions she had been sitting on, conversations she had been putting off, and a whole load more!
These items were not in her schedule, but they occupied space in her mind every single day.
I also asked her about her physical environment. What clutter was she carrying or living with?
We had a good laugh when she started describing her handbag, wallet, and car boot. By her admission, these were complete clutter zones. They looked organised on the outside, but were chaotic inside.
So for her, the calendar was pristine. But her mind and other parts of her environment were full. That is what was making her feel overwhelmed despite having set boundaries around her time and availability.
A Simple Mental Decluttering Exercise
Here’s a process that helped her declutter what was in her mind and start taking action without creating additional overwhelm.
First, we created a task in her schedule specifically for clearing, and the first assignment in that appointment was a brain dump. Not a to-do list, but a full mental offload of everything she was carrying in her head. She was to write this on paper (not digital), without filtering or organising it.
She arrived at our next session with a long list, but felt more relaxed after completing that exercise.
We identified items that overlapped or could be consolidated, and that shortened the list.
Using a Prioritization Matrix
Then, we used a prioritisation matrix to sort what remained into four categories. She used different coloured highlighters to allocate the items into their respective categories.
- Keep: Things only she could do, that genuinely needed her attention.
- Delegate: Tasks that could be handed over to someone else, either at work or at home, with a specific person named for each task. She also evaluated whether the person she wanted to delegate to was capable of handling the task. If not, she made a note to train them or boost their capacity until they could do so.
- Defer: Things that were not urgent, but needed to be kept in a watchlist rather than the active list. She would review this list monthly to see what needs to be worked on or what she had time for, then add them to her active to-do list.
- Dump: The items that had been taking up space but didn’t actually need to be done at all. Some were also other people’s work that had ended up in her hands, personally and professionally.
Once we sorted everything, the items in Keep, Delegate, and Defer went into a printed checklist she kept on her desk.
The items in the Dump section remained in the original list, which she shredded at the end of the session. This was deliberate and symbolic, and there was something satisfying about getting rid of them.
This is Not a Quick Fix!
Change did not happen overnight for my client. For one, this process took 3 weeks to complete.
And even when she started taking action on the actions in her Matrix, she lost track of the process a few times. Life interrupted her plans, and new things came up. There were also weeks when the checklist slipped, but she kept coming back to it.
However, the feeling of overwhelm eased over time, as she worked through the items consistently and applied the same thinking to her physical spaces (including her wallet, handbag, desk, and car boot).
So as you can see, the overwhelm did not lessen because her workload reduced. It lessened because she stopped carrying all this stuff in her head and physical spaces.
What I Learned From Ten Years of Holding On
I also understand this pattern from the inside. For example, for years, my personal goal at the start of every 28 Days of Loving Yourself Challenge was to finally complete my own declutter.
Every year, I found a reason to defer clearing up some cartons that had stuff I held onto for years. I told myself that these things were important, but some of them had been sitting in the same spot for over a decade.
Someone in a past 28DC cohort called this ‘organized clutter’. It’s stuff that does not look like clutter because it is organized.
This February, I finally did it and cleared the cartons. And that was when I realized just how much space and energy these cartons were occupying.
What I felt wasn’t just the satisfaction of a tidy space. It was peace. A kind of freedom I hadn’t let myself feel because I had been tolerating the clutter for so long that I stopped noticing it was there.
But even more interesting are the ripples that started. I began to see other areas of my life where I had been quietly tolerating things. Areas where I had stopped questioning or had accepted something as just part of my life.
That clarity has been uncomfortable at times, but it’s also been very freeing, and I’m making bigger and more meaningful changes right now as a result.
My energy also shifted. I’m feeling more in tune with when it’s dropping, and I act on it earlier by resting or taking breaks instead of pushing through to the next thing. That presence has carried over into my work and into the results I’m seeing with clients.
Have You Set Boundaries But Still Feel Overwhelmed?
If the overwhelm hasn’t shifted despite the boundaries you’ve set around your time and availability, it’s time to evaluate what’s already in your mental queue.
Start with the brain dump and put every task that’s living in your head onto paper. Don’t organize it yet. Just get it out of your head.
Merge items that overlap or can be consolidated before you sort the rest. What remains goes into four categories: Keep, Delegate, Defer, and Dump.
Next, create a document with 3 columns for Keep, Delegate, and Defer, and transfer the items from your list to the document. This document can be digital.
Finally, burn or shred the original list. It’s cathartic when you destroy that list and remain with a clear and well-organized shorter list.
Once you have that clarity, the active list becomes manageable. And when you pair it with consistent short bursts of clearing, the mental queue stops growing faster than you can clear it.
Need Help Decluttering?
Decluttering is the first thing we work through in the 28 Days of Loving Yourself Challenge. In Week 1, we work on decluttering your physical, mental, emotional, and digital spaces.
We don’t just focus on one big declutter. You also learn simple daily and weekly habits, such as the 10-minute and 1-minute bursts that keep clutter from quietly accumulating.
Click here to find out more about the Challenge and additional bonuses, including The High Price of Success, a 5-day audio course on the hidden costs of success.
(Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich on Pexels)
⚠️ Health note: Please consult a qualified healthcare provider if the fatigue or overwhelm you’re experiencing is persistent, is affecting your sleep, or feels beyond everyday tiredness. Coaching and personal development work support your growth. They are not a substitute for medical or mental health care.
