Easter came and went. Did you actually rest, or did you come back to your desk on Tuesday feeling more depleted than before taking the break?
For most of us, Easter is the first extended pause of the year. You have four days with a legitimate, socially accepted reason to stop. And yet, for a significant number of people, it wasn’t really a break.
Why? Because while the holiday was on the calendar, they couldn’t permit themselves to rest.
Work found its way in.
A few “urgent” emails needed a response.
A report that couldn’t wait had to be reviewed and sent.
Or perhaps just a couple of hours on Saturday morning just to stay on top of things.
If that was you, this post is for you. Because the reason you couldn’t stop is rarely what you assume it is.
It’s Not a Discipline Problem
When we fail to rest, we usually blame our habits. We say we’re bad at switching off, or that we love the hustle too much, or that we simply lack the willpower to leave the laptop closed.
None of this is true.
What is actually happening is a conflict between permissions.
The external permission to stop (such as the holiday or cleared calendar) is easy to access.
But the internal permission to rest is a different story.
Even when the diary is empty, that internal voice keeps whispering:
“Just this one thing first…Just check in once so you don’t fall behind…I’ll rest properly as soon as I’ve finished this.”
That voice isn’t a character flaw. It’s a pattern. And for people whose identity is built mostly on performance and output, giving yourself permission to rest without an external justification can feel threatening.
The “Superwoman”
For some women, this is more than professional drive and more of the Superwoman Syndrome.
Many African women in their 40s and 50s have been conditioned to believe that their value is tied to their strength and utility. We are the pillars of our families, the engines of our businesses, and the primary support for our extended communities.
We’ve bought into the myth that we must be the “fixer” for everyone, at all times. In this narrative, stopping isn’t just a break; it can feel like a betrayal of the people who depend on you.
What the Pattern is Protecting
When you consistently can’t stop, even when you want to, the pattern is usually protecting you from something uncomfortable.
- For some, busyness is a shield: The moment you stop being active, the noise inside gets louder. Anxiety, grief, restlessness, or the nagging sense of not being enough rush in. Staying busy is easier than sitting with those feelings.
- For others, stopping is a confrontation: It means looking at what hasn’t been done, what isn’t working, or the difficult conversations you’ve been avoiding. As long as you keep moving, you don’t have to face the truth.
- For many, rest is a reward to be earned: You believe permission to pause is only granted after you’ve hit a specific milestone or demonstrated sufficient output.
The truth is that the finish line for sufficient output doesn’t exist. The line just keeps shifting, and you never catch up with it.
The Hidden Cost of the “Mask”
Research is clear that without genuine recovery, your decision-making deteriorates and your creative problem-solving narrows.
But the deeper cost is the gradual disconnection from yourself.
You become excellent at:
- Showing up strong while feeling empty.
- Being the person everyone can rely on when you have no one to rely on.
- Keeping the “Superwoman” mask perfectly in place while driving yourself to the ground.
- Working hard to ensure no balls drop, even those that should have been dropped years ago!
Somewhere in that performance, you lose track of what you actually need. You become more of a machine, moving through the days without asking Why.
As one of my former clients put it: “Life became ‘same old, same old.’ There’s no joy or fulfillment, just more doing.”
3 Ways to Reclaim Your Internal Permission to Rest
You don’t need a bigger budget or more time to complete your tasks to start resting intentionally. What you need is a bigger boundary around your time and availability. And that boundary needs to be strong enough that YOU don’t cross it yourself.
The struggle isn’t usually with the people asking for your time; it’s with the part of you that feels compelled to say yes to them.
1. Notice the “Identity Voice”
You can’t change a pattern you don’t see. Next time you reach for your phone during off-hours, first pause and listen to what the inner voice is saying.
Is it telling you that you’re “lazy” if you stop? Is it telling you the world will fall apart? What is it saying that you know is not true?
Just noticing this inner talk without judgment is enough to kick off the shift toward giving yourself permission to rest.
2. Separate Your Worth from Your Output
This is the hardest work. It’s the belief that you are worthy even when you are not being “useful” or productive. When you look closely at this, you’ll realize where you’ve allowed people to take advantage of your “Superwoman” identity at the cost of your health, time, goals, and dreams.
3. Start “Small and Unimportant”
Don’t wait for a 15 or 30-day holiday. Start building the muscle in tiny, daily increments that don’t feel threatening:
- 10 minutes without a screen every single day.
- A Sunday afternoon without a plan (and without checking email).
- Leave work at 5 PM three days a week so you spend more time with your family, regardless of the To-Do list.
- Normalize saying “No”: Decline meetings that have no agenda and don’t involve your core role.
- Define “Emergency” for your team: Let your team know you are unavailable in the evenings and on other off days unless the emergency meets a very specific criteria.
A Question Worth Reflecting On
The important question isn’t whether you rested this Easter. The question is: What would have to be true for you to have finally given yourself permission to rest fully?
- What would you have needed to believe about yourself?
- What would you have needed to believe would (and wouldn’t) fall apart if you stepped back?
- Who are you when you aren’t being “useful”?
Those answers point to the real work that’s waiting for you.
I had to ask myself these questions last year, and the answers were very uncomfortable. I realized I was performing for an audience that didn’t exist at the cost of my own peace. Since then, I’ve made radical changes to the point of unplugging 100% during my Christmas break last year (16 days) and this Easter.
It wasn’t easy at first, but my work has actually improved. My business results are also better because my thinking is clearer.
That is the turnaround I wish for you.
But I want to hear from you first:
How hard (or easy) is it for you to unplug from work and rest, especially on scheduled holidays? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.
Need Help Reclaiming Your Time, Energy, and Focus?
Decluttering your schedule and your mental queue is exactly what we tackle in the 28 Days of Loving Yourself Challenge.
- In Week 1, we declutter and create physical, digital, and mental space.
- In Week 2, we dive into the internal work, such as your self-talk, the “Superwoman” identity, and the boundaries required to sustain your growth.
- Week 3 is pivotal as you learn how passion, energy, and commitment relate to one another.
- And in Week 4, we tie it all together so that you maintain focus on your self-care and overall growth beyond the Challenge.
You don’t have to manage this shift alone.
Click here to find out more and join the next cohort
⚠️ Health note: Seek the help of a qualified healthcare provider if exhaustion or the inability to rest feels persistent or is significantly affecting your daily functioning. Personal development work supports your growth. It’s not a substitute for medical or mental health care.
(Image Credit: New Dawn Coaching)
